07 Dec On Tumblr’s Removing Adult Content Dec 17th
I truly feel for all my friends in sexuality education right now. The spiral of aggression and fear tactics introduced by SESTA/FOSTA (among plenty other bills and measures) leading to the removal of adult content from Tumblr and the implementation of new Facebook policies wherein even stating one’s sexual preference may be interpreted as solicitation and a violation of the TOS is wrong and harmful, pure and simple. Let there be no doubt about where I stand on that.
And yet for me, this is yet another piece of ever-mounting evidence that the decade I spent in the field of sexuality was work that the world did not deserve from me and was never willing to appreciate me for nor reciprocate to me anywhere near the compassion I showed in doing it.
I don’t think I’ve so much as taken a single nude photo since the 2016 election.
Being a woman, especially a single woman, who dares to try to shed light on all the ways we still keep our sexualities in shadow in the hopes of achieving mass integration and triggering an exodus of folks getting right with owning their desires, is to be in an abusive relationship with society.
During those years I was exploited by bosses, persecuted by the media, doxxed by competitive colleagues, sexually assaulted more times than I can physically remember, used as fodder by lovers who saw me as more of a fantasy than a person, and discarded by the same with all the unceremoniousness of quietly disposing of a secret skeleton you didn’t want to keep stowing in your closet.
I’m done. I was done two years ago.
Because the way we do one thing is the way we do everything, and I could no longer keep opening myself up to vulnerability for people who time and time again showed a flat-out refusal to protect my well-being. This was true of my personal relationships and it was true of my relationship with the world.
If you’re someone who can’t see themselves doing anything else, whose soul sexuality education seems stamped upon, then I feel for you and I support you. Lord knows this world needs to get its head screwed on right and we can only hope that more education, even in the face of this attempted silencing, is the way forward.
But I’m not here for it. After all the harm I endured being the sacrificial lamb of alternative sexuality, I finally peaced, and weeks like this one remind me why.
People need to get their issues fixed before they get access to my sexuality again – and I mean this on all scales, from the intimacy in my personal relationships to the fact that I switched my career path to helping people undo their social conditioning and trauma-based programming instead of trying to help everyone liberate their pleasure without examining the harm they’re unconsciously perpetuating. My personal well-being no longer gets sacrificed for everyone else’s sexual edification, because it’s not my job to set myself on fire in order to keep everyone warm. The occasional thank-you email I got from my readers was not worth the life of hell I endured fielding everyone’s projections on me. I don’t care if everyone else but me has terrible disconnected unfulfilling sex for the rest of their lives. I tried.
At some point I had to realize that I can support what is right without being complicit in my own harm in order to do so. That I can actually say “no I don’t want to be in this unsafe environment anymore and I plan to be responsible for changing that” without saying that the sexuality industry is bad because it’s unsafe and should be SWERFed at. I don’t have to make an example of myself to show what’s fucked up. I don’t have to martyr myself to prove that the world is unfair.
I feel better than ever about my decision to leave BDSM, seduction, sex ed, modeling for the male gaze, and anything that put my sexuality up for public consumption.
Not because these things aren’t important and sacred, but because they are.
And I’m done letting society be the narcissist to my empath. I’m done giving it everything I had and being surprised when it took it and didn’t even say thank you.
That’s not a healthy relationship.
I’m going where I’m treated well.